Friday 10 September 2010

Book Burnings and Barbeques




Hello, fellow haters. Thud here.*

As we all know, the Tyranid codex has been specifically designed by Robin Cruddace as a direct assault on our way of life and might even be part of a bigger and more nefarious scheme to undermine all that is good in the galaxy. It is so underpowered and internally imbalanced that one might as well view it as yet another Space Marines codex, made with the sole purpose to create more Space Marines players.**



Oh, no. Hang on. I just remembered that I’m not crazy. Well, not that crazy at least.

You know what’s the worst thing about this internet discourse? It’s not just that it’s stupid, it’s the reason why it is stupid; the complete inability to comprehend that the bunch of random units are supposed to work together.

Of course, it doesn’t help when the issues are being debated in such an inane fashion that you can’t help punching yourself in the face with your shoe, like Khrushchev, but on even more acid. And by acid I mean hate.

“O hai gaiz, r Striking Scorpaians gud???” Yes, they’re super awesome. Throw in some doom and fortune and they’ll eat their way through as many Ork mobs you can find. So why do you keep losing then? Because you’re stupid, and whoever told you Scorpions are good is stupid too.

In a vacuum, Scorpions are good. They have a job and they do it well. You can’t really argue with that. But they’re still worthless because that job is irrelevant. “You got Scorpions, huh? Well, fuck you, I’m staying inside my Chimeras. Bitch.” Or someone just comes along with a proper close combat unit and wipes you out. Oh snap. You could, of course, bring in some back up. Some Banshees, an Autarch and an Avatar or whatever. But then you’re turning your Eldar army into a slag of shit that gets shot to hell by shooty armies and stomped all over by close combat armies. And just wiped off the table by good armies.

Every once in a while, though, I like to mix it up as well. I’ll bring Yriel and a Jetbike Autarch along in my Mechdar. It’s fun, and it works because I make it work. I don’t just throw them in because they’re super awesome close combat monsters and hope for the best; I make them fit the rest of my army and my playstyle.

In no other army, it seems, is this problem more difficult to overcome than with the Nids. Everything is being analyzed in a vacuum, but instead of finding super awesome must-have units, everything is being decried as useless. “Harpies? Horribad! They’re only T5, boo! Hiss! Lictors will cause you to auto-lose! T-fexes suck, just look at that point cost!”

I mean, come on. 40k isn’t that complicated. It’s not rocket science or rational expectations or anything. You have a set of goals and a set of tools through which those goals can be reached. It’s like game theory. But for four-year-olds. You want candy, you have tears and the ability to cry on command. Apply your tools and your goal will be reached. So, in other words; much like most Tyranid players on Warseer, but instead of candy they want to be able to play their armies at a competitive level through the life span of several consecutive codices without buying new models. Or knowing how the game works.

So, isn’t just much easier then, to blame everyone else, bitch about Cruddace and BA players while burning those Nid codices at the nice little annual uncompetitive players society barbeque? After all, sticking your head in the sand is twice the fun when you can be a dick about it.


*Just doing this so Dethtron will know who’s posting. Which is me. Thud.
**We all know Space Marines players are all powergaming big dicks with little dicks holding big buckets full of dicks (that they are presumably about to suck, or hit you over the head with).

10 comments:

Unknown said...

But they make me feel so much better about myself!

Death Korps of War said...

em, question. cant you talk about anything else?

i cant be the only one who sees a pattern with most of thuds articles?

we all understand that most gamers are idiots, but do you have to keep bashing our heads with it??

i mean, why do you complain about these people?? they are learning.
i mean, can you really sit there and say you were never in their shoes?? im willing to bet you were once, creating bad list after bad list until you final worked out how to make those 'killer' lists that could destroy anyone you fought.

Death Korps of War said...

as for warseer, we all know how useless it is to get advice from them. you keep complaining that people keep telling the guy who made the list first, to add a unit you think is "horribad". fair enough, thats your opinion of the unit.
but did you ever stop to think that unit works for the man/woman, who suggests it????
im willing to be you have, but disregard their opinion because it doesnt match your own.

and heres another thought.
why do you keep going back to the army list forum, if all it does it piss you off??? it would make more sense if you just stopped visiting it.
it would save you the frustration, and it would save us from having to read about it.

Death Korps of War said...

in short, change the fucking tune. we get the picture. you dont like players that complain about what happens to their army when you kick their ass (and who doesnt??).
we also get that you dont like those on Warseer, many people here are of the same opinion (not me personally, but i dont go near the army list forum, i stick the the modelling & painting section. have no interest in that section). but do we really need to be bombarded by this hatred???
i dont think so.

Death Korps of War said...

and i know some people are going to complain that i am complaining. but im getting tired of reading thuds statements of hate.
and yes im sure your asking, why are you reading them then?
i read them in the hope that he will talk about something more constructive than just venting his built up rage at warseer.
and tbh, i do find it funny that someone gets so annoyed at such a small aspect of the hobby/game.

TheKing Elessar said...

Response to you, Joe, in new article.

Thud - I enjoyed the read.

Chumbalaya said...

The article and ensuing butthurt is hilarious.

Biadetic said...

" i do find it funny that someone gets so annoyed at such a small aspect of the hobby/game."


Yep....

Thud said...

Hey, Death Korps. If I stop hating there will be nothing left of me except a monstruously large penis that would never get a cover save.

And, by the way, I think you misunderstand. I'm not hating on the people that suck at 40k. We've all been there (except maybe Kirby), but rather the guys who portray themselves as 40k gurus and give out horrible advice. Thanks to these guys, it's more or less an established truth that Nids suck, Striking Scorpions/Banshees are good, Nob Bikers are the pinnacle of cheese and Lash Chaos is awesome.

And I'm not really angry. I just think someone should call them out on it. And yes, I do that on Warseer as well, but posts on a forum of that size tend to melt away in the masses of poor grammar and female Space Marines, so I do it here as well. And you say that "we all know it's useless to get advice from Warseer" (paraphrased) but do we really? And who's we? The 120 followers of this blog, Kirby's 160? What about the 68,688 registered members of Warseer?

As for your challenge for me to actually write something constructive; I will, and it's underway, but it takes a lot longer than just pouring out some hate and thus often gets put on the back burner. Mainly thanks to the 300 odd pages of coursework I need to get through on the average weekend and the demanding schedule of girls and shoddy beer.

1nfinite zer0 said...

Thud sound mad,
make me feel bad.

But seriously. Thud, I really appreciated your input on warseer and comments on other blogs. Kinda disappointed in this outburst, as hate reacting to dumb doesn't make a better gaming culture. The internet is fully of fuckwits, everyone knows this.

And I appreciate the general frustration against jerks and egos, every competitive area has them. But, even despite this type of bitchy venting, some of us see your tactical ability and really value your contribution (not just Thud, but most of you guys here). But really, what does drama accomplish other than promoting more elitism?

So yeah, please don't make me think you're grumpy, because I know you'd be a pleasure to game with. Even though you'd probably wipe the table with me, we'd have some laughs and I'd be all the wiser afterwards.

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