Friday, 10 September 2010

Book Burnings and Barbeques

Hello, fellow haters. Thud here.*

As we all know, the Tyranid codex has been specifically designed by Robin Cruddace as a direct assault on our way of life and might even be part of a bigger and more nefarious scheme to undermine all that is good in the galaxy. It is so underpowered and internally imbalanced that one might as well view it as yet another Space Marines codex, made with the sole purpose to create more Space Marines players.**

Oh, no. Hang on. I just remembered that I’m not crazy. Well, not that crazy at least.

You know what’s the worst thing about this internet discourse? It’s not just that it’s stupid, it’s the reason why it is stupid; the complete inability to comprehend that the bunch of random units are supposed to work together.

Of course, it doesn’t help when the issues are being debated in such an inane fashion that you can’t help punching yourself in the face with your shoe, like Khrushchev, but on even more acid. And by acid I mean hate.

“O hai gaiz, r Striking Scorpaians gud???” Yes, they’re super awesome. Throw in some doom and fortune and they’ll eat their way through as many Ork mobs you can find. So why do you keep losing then? Because you’re stupid, and whoever told you Scorpions are good is stupid too.

In a vacuum, Scorpions are good. They have a job and they do it well. You can’t really argue with that. But they’re still worthless because that job is irrelevant. “You got Scorpions, huh? Well, fuck you, I’m staying inside my Chimeras. Bitch.” Or someone just comes along with a proper close combat unit and wipes you out. Oh snap. You could, of course, bring in some back up. Some Banshees, an Autarch and an Avatar or whatever. But then you’re turning your Eldar army into a slag of shit that gets shot to hell by shooty armies and stomped all over by close combat armies. And just wiped off the table by good armies.

Every once in a while, though, I like to mix it up as well. I’ll bring Yriel and a Jetbike Autarch along in my Mechdar. It’s fun, and it works because I make it work. I don’t just throw them in because they’re super awesome close combat monsters and hope for the best; I make them fit the rest of my army and my playstyle.

In no other army, it seems, is this problem more difficult to overcome than with the Nids. Everything is being analyzed in a vacuum, but instead of finding super awesome must-have units, everything is being decried as useless. “Harpies? Horribad! They’re only T5, boo! Hiss! Lictors will cause you to auto-lose! T-fexes suck, just look at that point cost!”

I mean, come on. 40k isn’t that complicated. It’s not rocket science or rational expectations or anything. You have a set of goals and a set of tools through which those goals can be reached. It’s like game theory. But for four-year-olds. You want candy, you have tears and the ability to cry on command. Apply your tools and your goal will be reached. So, in other words; much like most Tyranid players on Warseer, but instead of candy they want to be able to play their armies at a competitive level through the life span of several consecutive codices without buying new models. Or knowing how the game works.

So, isn’t just much easier then, to blame everyone else, bitch about Cruddace and BA players while burning those Nid codices at the nice little annual uncompetitive players society barbeque? After all, sticking your head in the sand is twice the fun when you can be a dick about it.

*Just doing this so Dethtron will know who’s posting. Which is me. Thud.
**We all know Space Marines players are all powergaming big dicks with little dicks holding big buckets full of dicks (that they are presumably about to suck, or hit you over the head with).
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