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Saturday, 9 May 2009

What a shit fucking end to the day.

I didn't win the £110 Million jackpot on the euromillions - I know, its not like the odds were in my favour, but hey, I just really really want a segway, okay?

And, it would have gone some way towards making up for the absolute bollocks that was the new Star Trek film...it wasn't good science, it wasn't good fiction, and it sure as shit wasn't good science-fiction. JJ Abrams should be shot, or, forced to watch his home-world destroyed. Star Trek's shocking decline since the death of Jadzia Dax reached it's apex with something that almost physically made the bile rise in my throat. Seriously, I'd sooner watch the pathetically pandering to the fat lazy American audience steaming turd that was Enterprise, than watch this offering from that horsefucker Abrams. I'd sooner revisit the plagiaristic spasfest of Nemesis than this poor, poor fanboi fanflick that somehow managed to come from someone with seemingly no production values, no direction, no moral message, and a reliance on tired cliches when pressed for positive originality.

Example - 3 man away team: Kirk, Sulu and Engineer Olsen. Guess which red-shirted crew member gets only a few pathetically scripted lines before snuffing it in spectacularly uninteresting fashion? I thought the wole idea behind reuniting the original crew wasn't to create a fucking parallel universe in which, somehow, the previously quite rigid Academy system churned out a 17-year old Ensign Chekov (so, technically, he outranked Kirk for half of the film), Sulu got the Enterprise as his first post, NONE of the Pike crew from "The Menagerie" managed to survive to serve with Pike and Spock...Garrovick, Mitchell and Farrell never get a look in, Scotty is inexplicably promoted, and all the new aliens look like shitty extras from a Star Wars prequel. Plus of course, no mention of the Earth-Romulan War, there's an Orion SLAVE at the Academy (WTF?!) and they somehow have Phasers.

No-one before, to my knowledge, successfully both Jumped the Shark, and Nuked the Fridge simultaneously. Now, this has, sadly, been achieved.
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