You Can't Look Away, It's Like A Carcrash - Fuzzbuket's GK 'FAQ'

Hello everyone,

This is the start of a new series that I'm writing with respect to other terribad fandexes or 'fixes' that I've found across the internet that I thought deserved a bit more attention (or mockery) than they'd been getting on their hosts.


Our first contender comes from the delights of 'Fuzzbuket's Mini Mayhem' Do not Click this link unless you want your eyes to burn at the spelling and font choice.

Well, I first became familiar with Mr Buket after a brief altercation on BoLs before I gave up visiting the place properly and his moaning about Grey Knights becoming less powerful than they were before. He posted in a long old thread that was the subject of a FNIF and it appears that he shifted his opinions to his personal blog.

I still found it.

I read it.

I laughed, I cried and had an idea for an article.

Well, I thought I'd share the link and then Snowmobile the thing a little. My comments are in purple, the spellings are untouched from the original content, just so it's there in all it's glory. But first....

WobblyModel

FAQ/erretra/fix my codex!

Off to a good start I see.

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How to fix Grey Knights

so as many may have noted i am not too pleased with the new grey knights no.. not at all:

Mr ward made them just:

marines with force weapons: and DRAGIOOOOO CAUZ EES AWSUM AnD I LuV DEADNIGHTS AND GINGErmUNKEYz anD LETZ PUT IN SOME sIztaz UV BATTLE

So he moans about the Jokaero, The Dreadknight and the Fluff. Amazing - thing is, when he's not being sarcastic, his spelling doesn't *actually* improve.

so fuzzys fixes!:  ( to remove some of those 4's from the statline)

1) remove the jokero, karazmov, xenos =][=, and all WH units ( and let malleus inquisitors take condemmer boltguns and thunder hammers)

I like the addition of the henchmen squads. As for reintroducing the Jokaero, I'm all for it. 

2) change the ruels for force weapons to

DO NOT require psy tests, each grey knight may chose a  nemisis force weapon. And how is this not broken to holy fuck....? So, you *will* kill everything on the charge. Great.

nemisis force sword: the holy weapon of the knights is somewhat unwieldy but delivers a crushng blow with each swing : +3S -1I Not just satisfied with S6  from the previous codex, it appears that Mr Buket has gone for S7 Grey Knights at I3. S7 power weapons wound All Monstrous Creatures on 3s, can kill Wraithlords no problem. Yay. 

nemisis daemon hammer: the holy hammer of the grey knights is a slow weapon but murderous when it hits S10, ruels for thunderhammer apply: wielder strikes last in CC (note that if a unit has multiple hammers they strike in I order arfter ALL regular attacks have been made
So S10 thunderhammers. Simples. 

nemisis force halbard:  one of the most common nemisis weapons allows the grey knights to form a defensive positon +2I and +2S

Nemsis force halbards: +2S, +1A (stacks with true grit)
You confuse me here. So, if i read this correctly - they'll be S8, I6, 4A basic guys.... I'll take 10000!

divine shield: many older grey knights carry defensive sheild emblazond with divine imiages:  (replaces storm bolter) +4 Iv, And +2IV in CC (+20 pts)
Something tells me the emblazon'd spelling there wasn't deliberate. Also, a 2++ in close combat that won't break? Amazing!

Nemisis warding stave: all units within 6' gain a 4+ cover save, grants +2S ( multipule staves dont stack) It works just like Conceal, except it's better! 
3) add in classic true grit (stormbolters count as pistols)
Ahahahaha
4) give the following psycic powers to the justicars of the folowing squads
divine flame: purifers

holocaust : terminators ( only usabel In CC hole centred on justicar)
Who's Usabel... Asdrubael's little brother?

smite : regualr GK
Ahahahaha. No.

hail of blades : interceptors ( on the turn an interceptor squad 'shunts' they may shunt into CC and each interceptor gains +1A, the following turn they may not charge and have -1A )

astral aim: purge squads

gloria divine +holocaust:  paladins   ( gloria divine all units within 12' re-roll LD , moral and  hits) (only with paladins squads bigger than 4 men +25pts)
So, Paladins get even better? Wow. Preferred enemy on top of 2W terminators? Again, with 'Nemisis Force Halbards' You have yourself an unbeatable unit.
5) stormtroopers are back ( 5 man squads min: max 10)
WS3,BS4,S3,T3,W1,I3,A1,Ld9,Sv4+
use hot shot lasguns, genades and laspistols. 15pts each
sarge is +1WS,BS,A,wounds and LD 10 can take a powersword (15pts)  or powerfist (25pts)  or chainsword or/and a combiweapon(15pts).
2 troopers per 5 men may take a melta /plasma/GL/heavy stubber(10pts) . 1 trooper per 10 men may take a lascannon(35ts) or multimelta(2-pts) OR a heavy bolter(15pts)
2W sgts? What are you a mini paladin?

may take a chimera (codex grey kinghts for 55pts) or a rhino ( codex GK 35pts)they may purchase psychtoke genades or rad grenades  for use with the GL ONLY this gives the grenades a 18'range (the effects do NOT stack)
So you get to make stuff on other tables -1T.... 18 foot range is crazy. I don't think even Titans can fire that far.

6)crowe now has independent charecter and MUST be accompanied by a bodyguard of purifiers
No. That'd be silly.

7) all PAgK and terminators  are WS5, paladins and purifiers and libby are WS6   and the GM is now WS 7
So, with the 'Nemisis Force Halbards' A Paladins unit is rerolling to hit with 3+, wounding on 2s thanks to S8 and instant killing any MCs as you don't need to cast to kill with the Force Weps. Holy shit.

8) all justicars and inquisitors may take artifacer armour, digital weapons, bionics and teleport homers ( see codex daemonhunters)
Am pretty sure there won't be an option for artifacer armour in that book.

9) acolytes:
often a inquisitor may only send his sucsesor and a small warband to a warzone, his acoulyts are the sucsessors of powerful inquisitors and often have acsess to his wargear:

acolyte ( elites 15 pts)   (may be either a )

 battle interragator: the most direct of the inquisitors sucsessors a warrior acolyte specialises in killing and the destruction of his masters foes:
WS4,BS3,S3,T3,W2,I,3,A3,LD8,SV5+
chainsword/ laspistol.
may take power armour(10pts) or carapace armour (5pta) a combi weapon (or stormbloter) (10pts)Or a plasma pistol (10pts) Or a flamer (5pts) or a hotshot lasgun (5pts) or a bolter (5pts) or bolt pistol (2 pts)
and either a power sword (15pts) or a thunder hammer (20pts)
they may take a rhino for 35pts or a chimera for 55pts

an interrigator may take up to 5 henchmen: these henchmen are scoring but must retain coherncy with the interrigator.
A 2W, 15pt model...? who can get power armour, any kind of armament he fancies and a personal Rhino? Wow!

10)points increases and quick fixes
\\NEMISIS WEAPONS ARE FREE//
cortez :115pts (he now has acsess to the smite power)
calladiuses now have ' a word in your ear'
techmarine is now 95pts
purifiers are now 150 (+30pts per modle)
ven dread may take nemisis weapons. and can be upgraded for 25pts to a psyker level 1 with acsess to all GK powers (must purchse like the libby)
paladins are now 65 each
crusaders are now 20 pts
GKt are now 230pts (+45pts per modle)
GKSS are now 150pts (+25 pts per modle)
interceptors are now 160pts + 30pts per model
purge squad is now 160pts with +30pts per model
So. Much. Fail.

hows that? feedback is appreciated: if anyone at GW reads this i will buy lOTS more from you if you FAQ nemisis to be like S6 again! They really won't. Sorry to bust your bubble. 

-fuzz

edit in:  ( the rhinos have now been fixed to 35pts)
Brotherhood champion: has 2 wounds and 3A (now 125pts) ( crowe has 4A)
a  new sword 'skill' has been added to the perfect warior:
straight strike:
reslove attack as a normal CC ATTACK!

P.S Did I mention no...?

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To anyone still reading, well done for making it this far.... :) And yes, I am a bit of a dick.

Check back soon for more BA from TKE & Fire Dragons.