I Got 99 Problems Cos This Sixth Ain't Fun: Hull Points, Part One.

Hull Points, Part One:

Here's the thing.  GW have had a significant amount of time to produce this book, and from the artwork, it's clear which part is most important in their eyes as a use of that time.

The One About Loneliness...

So...this post is about 6th.

As an aside, today's tourny was awful.  My first two opponents were my last two from the last one, Salvation - and in no way is that a bad thing in theory - but I'd rather have played different people for the novelty, since this may be my last ever 40k tournament.  Plus, Loganwing and then Wraiths isn't the best start given my ambivalence in the first place.  If I'd had a nice easier game, maybe that would have made me care.  A warm-up, in a sense.  Ah well.

So, 6th.

I haven't read the BRB for it yet, but I've read the Dwarf, so this is a commentary on the incomplete ruleset, again, but on what I do know.

Let's talk about changes then.

Random Charge Distance Is A Totally Unfun Mechanic

I got into a discussion yesterday with a fairly esteemed chap who is of the opinion that Random Charge Distance, as in 8e WFB, is A Fun Thing, and in no way detrimental to both game balance and to players' ability to enjoy the game.

Internet "Wisdom": Bolters Kill Vehicles!

This is something that has begun to rear it's ugly head once again ont' t'internets.  It makes me sad, because it's a crock of shit.  [That's why the pic of Katy Perry instead of a boring old Boltgun.  Well, that and because I add the picture at the end of the process, and so dear Katy became more relevant to the...ah, just keep reading, you'll get it.  Not even the best pic of her if I'm honest, but it'll do. /digression]

No, really, it's a complete and utter fabrication.  It's bullshit, plain and simple.  Has anyone ever tried actually doing it?

Let's run through it.  Bolters are (typically) carried by Marines, so they will hit 2/3 of the time.  They will successfully score a Glancing hit on AV10 1/6 of the time - which means you require 6 hits to average a single Glance, and as you can see that requires 9 shots to average even a chance to inflict damage.

But wait, there's more.

A Few Points I Feel I Need To Make On The 6e 'Leak'

One thing I have seen mentioned a couple times in reference to the 6e 'leaked' PDF is the belief that it will somehow "balance" the game.

It's commonly asserted that common builds from 5e, such as Razorspam, will magically cease to be any good, and that the weaker Codexes get a boost that puts them on par.

Now, I don't actually believe this is the case, in fact I believe it's a crock of shit.

We Don't Like The Way You Play With Your Toys

Again, a brief hiatus, apologies, but work is wiping me out.

I've been busy pinning warmachine and hordes models and reading up on their rules, slowly writing sections of rules for the ECP and working my ass off at a soil lab for minimum wage. It was all going so well until Monday evening.

Grrr Comp

I've been recently invited to a comp-heavy 1K (yeah I know) game day organised by my local club.

You Can't Look Away, It's Like A Carcrash - Fuzzbuket's GK 'FAQ'

Hello everyone,

This is the start of a new series that I'm writing with respect to other terribad fandexes or 'fixes' that I've found across the internet that I thought deserved a bit more attention (or mockery) than they'd been getting on their hosts.

Sisters...

Got dicked.

Really?

GW, you fucked up big time, I mean, c'mon.

Hey, Warseer!

THIS is me trolling.

At about 60%.

Have a nice day, fucktards.  :)

 Indeed!

(Yes, that screen says I was banned for saying I was unfairly treated.  Way to go!)

Heehee...

Zingbaby is a crybaby, and a tool.  I don't know what his dysfunction is, but he's amusing me no end over on BoLS.  I figured best to quote my own brilliance *bows* here, since it's so rare that I would be ardently defending a BoLS'er, let alone most of them.  El oh el, these things happen.  Not that they need it, from a scrote like this, but, hey, it's funny, no?

Iamaddj/Kirby/Mkerr Triple Snowmobile!11 Rawr!

MKerr, of Chainfist and BoLS fame, put up the following article, which is a response to Kirby's article, which is a response to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Premier of Iran, informing those of us in the Western World that, while the Russians power up a nuclear plant in his country, he has decided that Wound Allocation is a more important topic (perhaps just trying to divert attention?) and is in fact a rule that is so inherently wrong as to be virtually cheating.  No, I'm not sure how you can get cheating from playing by the rules either.  

To be fair, I think this is more the failure of the English language than anything else, as there isn't really a word to define the intellectual dishonesty of talking advantage of loopholes in an unsportsmanlike fashion without resorting to such a loaded word.  Some of us, in fact, are more than a little annoyed with the flagrant and widespread use of the word across the Blogosphere and forums, to the point where they attack the use of the term itself.  Personally, I would like to see some sort of distinction drawn between "cheating" (inadvertently playing the game wrong in a way that benefits one player or the other unfairly - usually through ignorance or failure at Reading Comprehension) and "Cheating" (intentionally garnering some sort of tangible in-game advantage by bending to a ludicrous extent, or outright breaking, the rules of the game.  An example would be moving from front of base to back of base, an especial bugbear of mine.) - Note how this follows my own attempts to foster a division between the use in common wargaming parlance of the terms "competitive" and "Competitive".  The former is something that can be used to describe any lose attempt, desire or ambition to win on the part of one or more participants (eg, an event that includes games will ALWAYS be 'competitive' because the aim of the Tournament is to win.)  The latter refers to the more specific times when the competitors are ACTIVELY engaged in the process of trying to win - rather than perhaps seeing it as an unfortunate consequence of playing a table-top wargame, the players craft lists, tactics and playstyles with the singular purpose of competing in and winning games of toy soldiers, and thus having fun, primarily through the satisfaction of overcoming a challenging opponent.  

It shouldn't need to be pointed out, but if I get any BoLS migrants commenting as a result of this article it is perhaps inevitable that the cry of 'WAAC' will come up.  While I plan to discuss later in the week (or the one after) topics that lend themselves better into a description of WAAC and the unpleasantness associated with this divisive phraseology, I cannot simply let the comment sit, either.  Essentially, it suffices for now to say that being Competitive includes the desire to compete, to pit yourself against the best and to overcome them in a fair and even fight.  Since the concepts aligned with the 'WAAC Gamers' the internet hates so much are not compatible with the idea of fair and honest competition, these players can never truly be referred to as "Competitive".

Well, that's the lengthy editorialising out of the way.

The Forum Paradigm

In my introductory post here I mentioned having trouble with coming up with ideas for articles, so imagine my joy when one just jumped at me. In the Eldar Tactica thread over at Warseer there was a bit of a row when TKE and Kuolema came along, low post counts and all, and had the audacity to make the outrageous claim that Howling Banshees were crap and that dedicated close-combat units had no place in a competitive Eldar army. Or at least that’s what I think was going on. I stopped reading after the quote-wars took off. Eventually the 8,000+ posts monster of a thread was locked by a moderator to investigate reported posts. As I said, I’d stopped reading so I don’t know whether or not that was called for, but I don’t really care, because that’s not what this is about.

I Can Has Cheating?

http://www.belloflostsouls.net/2010/03/40k-tactics-metagame-expect-unexpected.html

Very funny discussion. Many many cookies to a bunch of folks, but Chumbyala is currently winning the internet, in my mind. I'd like to think I'm pretty close behind...coming in last is elbrop. Nah, he's not last. The article author is the only one who fails at playing fair AND at replying to comments.

TKE’s What You’re Doing Wrong There

Being a Rant of Sorts, and a Treatise on how you

can improve your game, in several easy steps.

Dark Eldar Players:

‘Uber’ - Retinues. Drazhar costs like 3 Incubi. He has 3 Attacks. THREE, For Fuck’s Sake.

‘Ablative Wound’ Warriors. 8 ponits. No fucking way that is not shit. Shitty stats, shitty gun, inability to do anything in CC…yeah, shit. Srsly, L2P. If a unit costs 300+ points - It better be fucking AwesomeSauce. Archon + Filler is NOT that good.

Night Shields - You are made of PAPER. Most common Anti-Tank in 4th? Assault Cannon/Plasma Gun/Lascannon. You negate two of these at 18” away. 18 measly inches away, and you’re safe. In 5th - Meltagun/Multi-Melta/Autocannon. Again you neuter two of these options. HOW CAN YOU NOT LEARN?!!!!!

Raider Squads - OMFG, put them in their fucking Raider, you spas.

SM Players:

Yes, Devastators will kill most things they shoot. However, MOST enemy armies will be able to SHOOT BACK. T4, 3+ Save =/= Invincible, or even tough. Paying 200+ points for a one-shot weapon with ZERo mobility, unable to Score, taking a Dakka Pred/Vindicator/LRC slot? Not good.

Bike Captains in Bike Squads. Bike Squads are stand-off units, using a combination of mobility (to avoid retribution) and T5 (to shrug off Lasguns etc) - flying into the teeth of the enemy army when one, ONE model can stand up in CC = Stoopid.

Drop Podding SAM Terminators. Really? Lern2Readz.

Committing a squad alone - YES, you are genetically engineered Super-soldiers. BUT, as anyone with any Tactical nous, a basic understanding of mathematics, or any experience with Halo on Legendary difficulty, will tell you, 1unit, however good =/= enemy army. You need back-up in a straight-out fight, simple as that. This is ESPECIALLY true of Assault Squads.

Don’t Outflank with a Storm. Srsly. L2P.

Space Wolf Players:

Lone Wolves aren’t invincible, idiot. Don’t be so goddamn cocky.

Rune Priest + no Invul Save + no unit to take wounds + enemy Vindicator = idiotic move. Being better than the opponent is no excuse for failing at Model Placement re Threat Observation 101.

Necron Players:

Buy more Immortals. Deploy in staggered Rows. Don’t forget Phase Out total. That’s all. You have it hard enough. ;)

Eldar Players:

DON’T ALWAYS BE AGGRESSIVE!! If you outrange the foe, then move back. If you can’t go back, go sideways. If you can get cover, go that way. Just because you CAN move and shoot doesn’t mean a thing. If you can’t get to the target, go around. Don’t fly into his face when you haven’t enough left when it all goes tits up. If you can’t get the kill, then don’t try - do something else. NEVER go Flat Out, ‘just because’.

Nid Players:

If Gaunts have WoN, they can be bunched up safely. It’ll save you time next Dex, when you’re paying 40 points for ten of them…at least until you get those 120 of your 10 point WoN Hormagaunts painted.

IG Players:

Haven’t seen enough of you being stoopid to really criticise like SM, DE etc. That said, Don’t use Missile Launchers! Don’t use Ogyrns! Don’t use Rough Riders! Vendettas ARE your best anti-Tank! Sentinels aren’t even close to worth it!

SM Players 2:

Sniper Scouts are SHIT. Really, really, awful. Take Telion, or don’t bother. Fluff is never an excuse, and, anyway - he goes out on loan every Xmas, like some sort of 41st Millennium David Beckham. Anyway, you think NO OTHER CHAPTER has an EXPERIENCED Scout Sergeant? You thin they’re all chumps? Lern2Imagination.

Okay, I feel better now.

FYI, so you don’t think I’m being unfairly critical here - the arrogant Wolf Lord? That one was me. Even if 5 Devastators actually killing a Lone Wolf before he gets to strike is unlucky enough to Double Facepalm.

Phishing Scam lols.

It's amazing the crap you get in emails.

Some excerpts, from one I just got...

"Postfach 8098Z??ich
Switzerland"

????!?

" working with Bank UBS AG Zurich at their offshore department Zurich Switzerland"

WTF? There isn't a single fucking part of Switzerland with a fucking coast at all, moron. The whole thing is as off-shore as it gets.

"I need strong Assurance that you will never let me down, if I transfer this money to your
account." - This guy obviously wants a commitment equivalent to marriage, if not greater. Fuck right off pal.

My favourite -

"Sometimes a person will open a bank account, deposit money, and then disappear into the tin air. "

Fucking hell. I never knew about the danger of metallic air before, but I'll be sure to watch out for tin air in the future. Sadly, the guy didn't elaborate on the dangers of Copper, Gold, and Bronze air, which I've been breathing for some time. Fingers crossed I won't up and disapp...

WTF???

My comment on BoLS is awaiting approval by a moderator. So, fuck that shit, here it is.

First, BlackSly's bollocks:
"Again, it sounds like bollocks to you because you haven't the brain to comprehend that
1) a game designer has to balance points
2) even if you consider several balancing features, such as defensive ability (points lost per enemy point shooting at you), offensive ability (points removed from the enemy in a shooting phase per point spent on the unit), mobility, transport available, etc... you still calculate each feature separately. Only a fool designer would balance units based ONLY on a defense-vs-S4-weapons calculations, but it would be a stupid one who gave that calculation no weight at all.
3) I didn't say that Immortals were better than Terminators as a unit. If I were to do that, I'd have to run calculation on defense vs all types of weapons (BTW, I have), in and out of cover. And I'd have to do a separate analysis for melee, because in melee you can lose the entire unit if you lose 3 to 0. And I'd have to run offensive calculation vs AV10 to AV14 units, plus infantry units of T3 and T4, and armor saves of 3+ to 5+. And I'd have to factor in their movement (similar), and their movement options (Land Raiders and Deep Strikes vs Monoliths). And if we were comparing other units, I'd have to mention different ranges. Which is why I specifically said only that, as an example, vs S4 weapons, they compare as such, rather than saying "Immortals are tougher than Terminators in all cases, and here is an single example of a situation to show how they are tougher".

All in all, comparing units in all their abilities with just calculations is a ridiculously complex task, which is why I doubt any designer does it. However, failing to use ANY calculations when considering units is just stupid, and I'm sure no professional designer suffers abject design fail by saying "talking about points lost per shot/kill is worthless".

Is points lost, or points killed the only barometer of a unit's worth? Obviously not, if you can have one unit of Troops that performs 10% worse than an Elite unit in all the categories... but most players would prefer to field the Troops since it can capture objectives. But it's just downright ignorant to ignore a unit's killiness, or resistance to being killed, just because one single measure point cannot completely measure a unit's true worth."

And, my response - what I can recall of it, anyway.

You make me LOL, retard.

The Games Designers are inherently lazy with their points values - if you don't believe me, pick up a copy of the 2nd, 3rd, and current Eldar Codicies, and see for yourself how few points costs have significantly changed. Is it possible that Rick Priestly got them so perfectly balanced first time around that they are perfect across 3 Editions of the game? Fuck off.

Trying to compare an ancient Codex with today's 5th Ed ones is too stupid for words. The Necron Codex was written for a completely different ruleset, when Foot Armies were competitive, and C'Tan were cool. Thinking that the points have any realistic bearing on what they would be were the Codex written a year ago is so fucking stupid, I wonder if people have to remind you to breathe.

We all are painfully aware that points values are only internally balanced at all, with no regard to the other Codexes in production, or already in print. We also, except you somehow, are aware that units are deliberaltely undercosted in order to promote sales of that particular product. It's a marketing ploy, that is far more important than any pathetic notions of creating a balanced game you seem to have engendered.

Attempting to calculate points lost from an enemy by your shooting is literally the stupidest calculation I've ever heard of. Pythagoras has more fucking relevance to real life. Literally, working that out for every unit in the game...If you've done that, you need a fucking life.

I love the way you ignore Chaos Theory too. LOL.

Anyway, while you sit in your mom's basement, playing with your numbers, and your penis, I'm off to enjoy the sunshine.

Moron.

(Admittedly, that's longer, because I had to type it from scratch.)

Screw it, I'll be honest, and say what we're all thinking.

How the fuck did those shitty-ass list win Balls-Con?

Fucking Comp scores.
Fucking Sportsmanship/Modelling/painting trying to determine who the best PLAYER is. Not HOBBYIST, PLAYER.

Skill is not subjective, people, there's a clearly defined way to determine it. Painting and friendliness are ENTIRELY subjective, and it is therefore an Epic Fail way to determine...well, anything.

Fucking Fail.

Wish I was surprised.

When the Top Three fucking Generalship scores go to players that aren't in the top Two overall, that's fail.

When Nids place at all, that's Fail.

When Shitty-ass MegaBattleforce lists of ANY variety, (it's not because it's Orks, it's because it's shit) place, that's Epic Fail.

When a guy needs to go on the Fucking BoLS Lounge after the event to clarify whether or not his Hydra has a fucking Quad-Linked (WTF. Seriously, moron, QUAD-FUCKING-LINKED?!?!?!) Autocannon, because it came up at the event, and his Rules Fail was so complete he didn't already fucking know, or have the ability to READ?!?!

Yeah, that's Fail all right.

Roll on YTTHCon 2010.

Heresy, Dakka, Warseer, I'm looking at you fuckers to set up some shit too, it cannot possibly be worse than Balls-Con.

Actually, I don't really expect you to. It's a huge undertaking, one far more conducive to a Blog than a Forum. Fuckers wasn't meant offensively at you either. ;)

EDIT: This article on Blood Of Kittens is interesting.