You Can't Look Away, It's Like A Carcrash - Fuzzbuket's GK 'FAQ'

Hello everyone,

This is the start of a new series that I'm writing with respect to other terribad fandexes or 'fixes' that I've found across the internet that I thought deserved a bit more attention (or mockery) than they'd been getting on their hosts.

Progress is Slow with This One

Hey,

I'm dropping this quick post to apologise for the slow progress on the Eldar project front and to give you a rough idea of what's going to be in the Codex and any re-arrangements that have happened on the good 'ole FOC. My real life has taken a sudden turn for the frantically busy, with me squeezing any writing, revising & dog walking between everything else that I have to do at the moment. Progress *is* being made behind closed doors and I thought I'd share the level of completeness with you as it stands.

A Quick Pimping for Something Special

From Wobbly Model Syndrome

Hey there again,

Are you, much like me, often bored and trawl sites across the interwebs such as xkcd and are constantly on the lookout for yet another semi-decent webcomic to peruse weekly to add to procrastination....? 

Are you, much like me a fan of a certain 28mm wargame (if not why the hell do you read this blog)?

Would you like to see something that combines the two together in perfect matrimony?

We lost because you were all weak!

If you recognize the quote of the above, you will gather that my next tactica is somewhat about priests... well it is and it is not... rather its about them in the Imperial Guard Codex that you rarely see fielded in the game and some ideas that you can use to make them somewhat effective or for you to ponder over when your becoming so sick of your local mech guard routine....

This week so far...

I know, I know.  No Community Post of the Day for 2 days, huh?  Well, I don't care.  lol.

Nah, I do, but I've been pretty busy, and I figured I could let it slide given the Special Editions I did last week.  As ever, I'll happily accept any emailed suggestions of contenders for the prestigious No-Prize I award with said recognition.  Hopefully I'll spot something I have to link you guys to tomorrow.  (Today - Wednesday, really...but it doesn't count until I've slept.)

Gaming - I was awful today.  I nearly scraped a draw against Chris' IG (screw you Chris! :p) despite cocking up bigtime, and playing my SM as though they were Eldar.  He fully deserved the win, even if that lone Guardsman Captain did make about 12 Cover Saves to deny me the draw.  When we get a rematch, let's not play at 1k, huh?  It gives you an unfair advantage, my dice clearly don't like that points level.  Or my deployment ability... ;)

Especially since I then went on to get virtually tabled by 1k of Daemons.  Again, luck was important (Turn 2, LoC arrives, uses Bolt, dead Rifleman.  Turn 3, Horrors arrive, Bolt, dead Rhino, LoC charges and munches other Rifleman.  Grrr!  2 Bolts, 2 dead vehicles? That's not how averages work! lol) but I didn't do enough to earn the win, and he did.  Next time I play my Marines I'd better remember Combat Tactics, and not to try and use Speeders like Dragon Serpents.  And Rhinos like Falcons.  Sigh.  Out of practice = good post game analysis.

In unrelated news, I bought Gears of War preowned, and bought Dark Void too, because it was brand new only £12.70, and a friend thinks it's a blast, if not exactly a great game.  I haven't played either, because of intermittent power cuts all night.  Fucking weather.

The only model I need for my FoB army is now a TRermie Libby...but I don't want the £12 metal one, I want to convert a plastic one.  Anyone with any ideas, please share.  Already I've considered DA hooded head for Psychic Hood, and there's a book could go on a Shoulder.  In fairness, as I think about it now, that annoys me.  The fluff clearly states that they wouldn't defile the armour by obscuring the Crux Terminatus...yet they also wouldn't obscure the Chapter Badge!

Stupid inconsistencies from GW for the sake of looking cool.  It's like the Ven Dread, where a bunch of the battles listed on those armour plates aren't in chronological order, or when Eavy Metal models have the Chapter Insignia painted on the wrong shoulder pad...

Daily Community post Special Edition: Laubersheimer Industries

Holy fuck, this is funny and brilliant.  I cannot wait for Part Deux.

http://lauby.blogspot.com/2010/03/composition-scoring-more-limiting-than.html

Look what I just downloaded!

Now, I know it's old, and really quite crap...but you can't shake a stick at it, you really can't.

http://www.strategyinformer.com/pc/spacehulk/full-game/21575.html

PC Space Hulk, from 1993.  Made of WIN.

WTFBBQROFLCOPTEROVERWATCH?!?!?!11!

From GW's latest PDF, a new addition ot the Battle Missions supplement...

TKE’s What You’re Doing Wrong There

Being a Rant of Sorts, and a Treatise on how you

can improve your game, in several easy steps.

Dark Eldar Players:

‘Uber’ - Retinues. Drazhar costs like 3 Incubi. He has 3 Attacks. THREE, For Fuck’s Sake.

‘Ablative Wound’ Warriors. 8 ponits. No fucking way that is not shit. Shitty stats, shitty gun, inability to do anything in CC…yeah, shit. Srsly, L2P. If a unit costs 300+ points - It better be fucking AwesomeSauce. Archon + Filler is NOT that good.

Night Shields - You are made of PAPER. Most common Anti-Tank in 4th? Assault Cannon/Plasma Gun/Lascannon. You negate two of these at 18” away. 18 measly inches away, and you’re safe. In 5th - Meltagun/Multi-Melta/Autocannon. Again you neuter two of these options. HOW CAN YOU NOT LEARN?!!!!!

Raider Squads - OMFG, put them in their fucking Raider, you spas.

SM Players:

Yes, Devastators will kill most things they shoot. However, MOST enemy armies will be able to SHOOT BACK. T4, 3+ Save =/= Invincible, or even tough. Paying 200+ points for a one-shot weapon with ZERo mobility, unable to Score, taking a Dakka Pred/Vindicator/LRC slot? Not good.

Bike Captains in Bike Squads. Bike Squads are stand-off units, using a combination of mobility (to avoid retribution) and T5 (to shrug off Lasguns etc) - flying into the teeth of the enemy army when one, ONE model can stand up in CC = Stoopid.

Drop Podding SAM Terminators. Really? Lern2Readz.

Committing a squad alone - YES, you are genetically engineered Super-soldiers. BUT, as anyone with any Tactical nous, a basic understanding of mathematics, or any experience with Halo on Legendary difficulty, will tell you, 1unit, however good =/= enemy army. You need back-up in a straight-out fight, simple as that. This is ESPECIALLY true of Assault Squads.

Don’t Outflank with a Storm. Srsly. L2P.

Space Wolf Players:

Lone Wolves aren’t invincible, idiot. Don’t be so goddamn cocky.

Rune Priest + no Invul Save + no unit to take wounds + enemy Vindicator = idiotic move. Being better than the opponent is no excuse for failing at Model Placement re Threat Observation 101.

Necron Players:

Buy more Immortals. Deploy in staggered Rows. Don’t forget Phase Out total. That’s all. You have it hard enough. ;)

Eldar Players:

DON’T ALWAYS BE AGGRESSIVE!! If you outrange the foe, then move back. If you can’t go back, go sideways. If you can get cover, go that way. Just because you CAN move and shoot doesn’t mean a thing. If you can’t get to the target, go around. Don’t fly into his face when you haven’t enough left when it all goes tits up. If you can’t get the kill, then don’t try - do something else. NEVER go Flat Out, ‘just because’.

Nid Players:

If Gaunts have WoN, they can be bunched up safely. It’ll save you time next Dex, when you’re paying 40 points for ten of them…at least until you get those 120 of your 10 point WoN Hormagaunts painted.

IG Players:

Haven’t seen enough of you being stoopid to really criticise like SM, DE etc. That said, Don’t use Missile Launchers! Don’t use Ogyrns! Don’t use Rough Riders! Vendettas ARE your best anti-Tank! Sentinels aren’t even close to worth it!

SM Players 2:

Sniper Scouts are SHIT. Really, really, awful. Take Telion, or don’t bother. Fluff is never an excuse, and, anyway - he goes out on loan every Xmas, like some sort of 41st Millennium David Beckham. Anyway, you think NO OTHER CHAPTER has an EXPERIENCED Scout Sergeant? You thin they’re all chumps? Lern2Imagination.

Okay, I feel better now.

FYI, so you don’t think I’m being unfairly critical here - the arrogant Wolf Lord? That one was me. Even if 5 Devastators actually killing a Lone Wolf before he gets to strike is unlucky enough to Double Facepalm.

WTF???

My comment on BoLS is awaiting approval by a moderator. So, fuck that shit, here it is.

First, BlackSly's bollocks:
"Again, it sounds like bollocks to you because you haven't the brain to comprehend that
1) a game designer has to balance points
2) even if you consider several balancing features, such as defensive ability (points lost per enemy point shooting at you), offensive ability (points removed from the enemy in a shooting phase per point spent on the unit), mobility, transport available, etc... you still calculate each feature separately. Only a fool designer would balance units based ONLY on a defense-vs-S4-weapons calculations, but it would be a stupid one who gave that calculation no weight at all.
3) I didn't say that Immortals were better than Terminators as a unit. If I were to do that, I'd have to run calculation on defense vs all types of weapons (BTW, I have), in and out of cover. And I'd have to do a separate analysis for melee, because in melee you can lose the entire unit if you lose 3 to 0. And I'd have to run offensive calculation vs AV10 to AV14 units, plus infantry units of T3 and T4, and armor saves of 3+ to 5+. And I'd have to factor in their movement (similar), and their movement options (Land Raiders and Deep Strikes vs Monoliths). And if we were comparing other units, I'd have to mention different ranges. Which is why I specifically said only that, as an example, vs S4 weapons, they compare as such, rather than saying "Immortals are tougher than Terminators in all cases, and here is an single example of a situation to show how they are tougher".

All in all, comparing units in all their abilities with just calculations is a ridiculously complex task, which is why I doubt any designer does it. However, failing to use ANY calculations when considering units is just stupid, and I'm sure no professional designer suffers abject design fail by saying "talking about points lost per shot/kill is worthless".

Is points lost, or points killed the only barometer of a unit's worth? Obviously not, if you can have one unit of Troops that performs 10% worse than an Elite unit in all the categories... but most players would prefer to field the Troops since it can capture objectives. But it's just downright ignorant to ignore a unit's killiness, or resistance to being killed, just because one single measure point cannot completely measure a unit's true worth."

And, my response - what I can recall of it, anyway.

You make me LOL, retard.

The Games Designers are inherently lazy with their points values - if you don't believe me, pick up a copy of the 2nd, 3rd, and current Eldar Codicies, and see for yourself how few points costs have significantly changed. Is it possible that Rick Priestly got them so perfectly balanced first time around that they are perfect across 3 Editions of the game? Fuck off.

Trying to compare an ancient Codex with today's 5th Ed ones is too stupid for words. The Necron Codex was written for a completely different ruleset, when Foot Armies were competitive, and C'Tan were cool. Thinking that the points have any realistic bearing on what they would be were the Codex written a year ago is so fucking stupid, I wonder if people have to remind you to breathe.

We all are painfully aware that points values are only internally balanced at all, with no regard to the other Codexes in production, or already in print. We also, except you somehow, are aware that units are deliberaltely undercosted in order to promote sales of that particular product. It's a marketing ploy, that is far more important than any pathetic notions of creating a balanced game you seem to have engendered.

Attempting to calculate points lost from an enemy by your shooting is literally the stupidest calculation I've ever heard of. Pythagoras has more fucking relevance to real life. Literally, working that out for every unit in the game...If you've done that, you need a fucking life.

I love the way you ignore Chaos Theory too. LOL.

Anyway, while you sit in your mom's basement, playing with your numbers, and your penis, I'm off to enjoy the sunshine.

Moron.

(Admittedly, that's longer, because I had to type it from scratch.)